I TOLD MY DATE ABOUT MY SPECIFIC 3-YEAR RULE, BUT HE IMMEDIATELY LEFT AND BLOCKED ME
Last Tuesday night, I went on a blind date with a guy named Jake. A coworker of mine, Adam, had set it up—said he was a “great guy” and that we’d “totally vibe.” I’m a neurologist with a hectic schedule, and Tuesday just happened to be the only night that worked.
Jake was attractive, charming, and surprisingly funny. We hit it off immediately. We talked about everything—music, work, travel—over drinks and appetizers, and I genuinely thought, Wow, this might be something.
Then he asked a thoughtful question:
“So, what’s your one-to-five-year plan?”
I lit up. “Oh! Great question. I definitely want to finish my research fellowship in the next year. I’m looking at buying my own place, maybe rescuing a senior dog. And, relationship-wise…” I paused and smiled. “I have a three-year rule.”
His eyebrows lifted. “Three-year rule?”
“Yeah,” I said. “If I’m dating someone seriously for three years and there’s no sign of engagement or moving forward toward marriage, I walk away. I don’t do endless undefined relationships. I’ve been there. Not doing it again.”
I was calm, honest, and matter-of-fact. I wasn’t saying I wanted to get married tomorrow. I was just sharing my boundaries. But the moment the words left my mouth, Jake’s entire demeanor changed.
He went quiet. Then he suddenly waved the waitress over, asked for the check, paid for both of us (which made it even weirder), and said, “I’ve gotta go.”
I blinked. “Is something wrong?”
He just shook his head, muttered, “Good luck,” and walked out.
I sat there, stunned, finishing my drink alone, wondering what just happened.
Later that night, I texted him:
“Hey, did I say something that upset you? That was really abrupt.”
His response came quickly:
“Never contact me again.”
Then I was blocked.
I was completely baffled. The next day at work, I confronted Adam—the coworker who set us up. He looked… sheepish. Guilty, even.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
He sighed. “I probably should’ve told you… Jake just got out of an eight-year relationship two months ago. His ex gave him an ultimatum—get engaged or break up. He chose to break up.”
I blinked. “Eight years?”
“Yeah,” Adam continued. “They lived together, had joint accounts… basically a marriage without the ring. He’s been ranting about how women have ‘timelines’ and ‘pressures’ and how he just wants to date without expectations.”
“And you thought he’d be a good match for me?” I said, eyes wide.
“Well, I thought you’d both enjoy a fun night,” Adam mumbled.
I laughed bitterly. “He didn’t even stay for dessert.”
So, that was my Tuesday night: got ghosted for having self-respect and boundaries.
And you know what? I don’t regret a word I said.
Because if the words “three-year rule” make a grown man sprint, then thank God he left before the entrées.