Our wedding day is meant to be one of our happiest, meticulously planned to reflect our preferences. However, Norma felt that her daughter-in-law’s decision for a strictly vegan menu was selfish, given Norma’s family’s love for meat. She took matters into her own hands and arranged for meat at the wedding without the bride’s knowledge. This has caused significant issues, prompting Norma to reach out to us for advice.
Here is Norma’s letter:
My future daughter-in-law imposed a strictly vegan menu for their wedding. I think it’s very selfish of her given that our side of the family loves meat. So, I went behind her back and hired an additional caterer to make cutlets and barbecues because I wanted everyone to have a good time.
On the big day, I saw my daughter-in-law turn red when she saw the food. Later that evening, my son came to me in tears and hugged me. He looked at me and said, “Mom, please don’t turn our most important day into a bad memory. My wife is very unhappy. Please go and at least apologize to her!”
I got furious and told my son I won’t apologize for something that’s normal and natural. If his wife chooses to be a strict vegan, that’s her choice, but she can’t impose it on the rest of us.
It’s been almost three weeks, and there are still tensions between me and my daughter-in-law because of the wedding day. Was I wrong?
– Norma
Norma, thank you for sharing your story. We have prepared a few tips we believe can help you navigate this situation.
Seek understanding and compromise.
Initiate a calm and empathetic conversation with your daughter-in-law. Acknowledge her perspective on veganism and express regret for the misunderstanding and disruption caused by the additional catering.
Propose finding a middle ground for future family gatherings where both vegan and non-vegan options can coexist, ensuring everyone feels respected and included.
Apologize and make amends.
Despite your initial resistance, consider apologizing sincerely to your daughter-in-law for going against her wishes. Express regret for not respecting her choice and causing distress on a day that meant a lot to her.
Offer to make amends by hosting a family dinner or event where she can plan the menu according to her preferences, demonstrating your willingness to support her decisions and reconcile the relationship.
Family mediation and resolution.
If tensions persist, suggest involving a neutral third party, like a family therapist or mediator, to facilitate a constructive dialogue between you, your son, and your daughter-in-law.
This can provide a structured environment to address underlying issues, clarify misunderstandings, and work towards rebuilding trust and harmony within the family unit.
Set boundaries and respect differences.
Establish clear boundaries for future family events regarding dietary preferences and other sensitive matters. Encourage open communication and mutual respect among family members to prevent similar conflicts.
Emphasize the importance of honoring individual choices while fostering a supportive and inclusive environment for everyone involved in family gatherings.